Just to let you know, I will bounce all around in this because this is my first blog that I write on this site. When I write blogs for the Dilemma of Ages, I want them to come straight out of my mind, no editing. You need to know that because when people speak of truths of what they believe, it shouldn’t be sugar coated but raw and honest. So please bear with me as I continue to write blogs and I will improve much.
As many of you know, I am not very outspoken when it comes to the opposite sex. In fact, this blog may blow the minds of a lot of people who know me but I can no longer sit here and see or live through what I have anymore. I have always accepted women for who they are and yet I have come to the conclusion that the same is not always returned. Let us however for the sake of the blog remember that this is only my opinion and what is installed in my mind and may not be what has entered the mind of others. The Dilemma of Ages is about what I think at any given time. Now for those who read this just out of the blue, a bit of a background on me: I am 30 years old, single (and if you couldn’t tell that after reading this blog you are in serious trouble), a child of the Lord God Almighty, and as time grows on a wee bit bitter. Now I have a friend out there (Scott) who would tell me that “hey dude, you have to be patient and allow God to deliver because He will deliver a woman far better than I could ever catch.” You are right Scott but every once in a while, a guy has to get a few thoughts off his chest. Since this blog site is only going to be available to my friends at the moment, this will be a perfect opportunity to show a few things.
Now also for the sake of this blog, I also want to put out the basic fact that I am in no way a ladies man, nor do I have that Atlas like body…I am Nick, and that is the best way to describe me. (Also to those who know me that is no surprise of a response) I am in no way ashamed to tell the world that I work hard in trying to put God first in everything I do and though I am not always successful, I work harder everyday to be.
Ok that is over, this blog is not about whom I am and who I want to be, this is about women. I do want to begin with an apology to those women who do not fall in these categories, this isn’t meant for you. What also needs to be stated is that I in no way mean that guys are perfect, God will testify that there are just as many crappy guys out there as there seems to be women. So let’s get this thing started shall we?
“Nice guys finish last” is a statement that is overused and in no way understood, and that is why I am taking it back! I have always considered myself the nice guy, and though there are no guys out there that are perfectly nice, some excel at it more than others. A nice guy is an unselfish one, giving and kind. He puts the thoughts of others before him with the intention to gain NOTHING in return. A nice guy is not the kind of guy who does something so that he can get a little closer to a woman or gain favor with someone, that is what we call a brown-nose or a suck-up. They give of themselves not for gain but for the betterment of others. How is that for a definition? Believe it or not there are some guys out there that follow suit with this, and sure sometimes they falter from this but for the most part they are genuine.
Now that I have the definition out there I can get to the point of my blog. Like I stated earlier, I consider myself a nice guy and to those who disagree, well why have you not told me this before?
To the women: Why is it that I journey around and see all these women out there who date these guys who are totally freaking losers, they are rude and well they are just down right horrible individuals? (Yes I know that doesn’t sound Christ like) You date these guys who cheat on you, say horrible things about you, treat you terrible, and well make you basically feel like you are unworthy of anything better! I have talked to so many women who ask me or confide in me that their boyfriends have cheated, or treated you in some terrible way but you won’t separate yourself from them.
Let’s begin with cheaters. I am a strong believer in the once you are cheated on, there is a bond of trust that can not be regained with that man/woman. Good people make big mistakes, that is true and all sin can be forgiven (well except the obvious one) If you are in a dating relationship and such a thing happens, you need to reevaluate that relationship and whether it should be still together. In my opinion it is a sin that would break a relationship and no excuse can get someone off the hook of it. Those of you I have that are friends who have been there I am sorry, but that is how I see it. Now can you change, sure BUT if a guy or a girl cheats on you and you take them back…you are telling them that “hey I will take you back if you do such things.” In this same action you are telling yourself that you are not worthy of a guy who can treat you as if you are the only woman in the world for him. Let me steal another Scott line, you are worthy of such a partner! Now to forgive is the way we are taught as Christians, and yes I do believe it to be true, you are forgiven…and you can be my friend, but the trust bond of a deep relationship is gone and can’t be regained. I can yell at you (hypothetically) and you yell back and we can argue on matters but I have NOT sought the comfort of another woman, trust remains. Yet you take these guys back??? I mean seriously is that what a guy has to do to get noticed by women? (Again hypothetically) Do I have to go out and string along 2 or 3 ladies just till I find the one who will forgive me then use her and find my fulfillment in another, because if I do then I will choose to remain single for the rest of my life and be happy with that! That is my commitment to you.
The trash shall inherit the good. I know some great women of God who have become tied up with some real trash; there is no other way to put it. Abusive (mentally more than physically but both are implied) men who control them and break these girls to a point where they flee from themselves as much as they flee from God. These guys gripe when you talk to other people, they want you to do their bidding at every waking hour and they break you down to a point where you don’t see yourself for the wonderful woman you are. This is a problem, and you need serious help. See a pastor, see a friend, see a doctor, SEE GOD!!!
The Rebel: Oh the adventure, this guy lives on the edge, he does all the things that keep him one step ahead of death or he is the life of the party. You have got to be kidding me right? What kind of thrill are you looking for? What kind of relationship do you have that if you are not on some death defying stunt of life then it is not the right guy. I mean seriously do you not realize that there is just as much adventure in life when you find a guy who loves and cares for you and wants to take on life by your side?
**************Pause for Intermission, because I am sure some of you women are MAD by now at my lovely words!!!**************************************
These are a few guys I see you with on a daily basis. Now let us move on to why this irritates me so much. If I have one more woman come to me and say “I wish I could just find a nice guy like you(insert your name here nice guy)” I am sure I will just puke on them right there on the spot! I mean honestly listen to yourself speak sometime. If you really wanted a nice guy like me(insert your name here nice guy), then you would be going out with me(insert your name here nice guy)! Do you now realize how stupid that statement is? Please do me a favor, DO NOT PATRONIZE ME!!!!!! If you are saying that to build up my self esteem, I don’t need it. If you are saying it because you really mean it, then by all means why don’t you actually come off of your pedestal and take a chance sometime. You never know what may happen. Treat yourself for once and see that there are nice guys out there and they are going to take you to a world you have never been before, one that consists of treating you like the woman you deserve to be treated as.
I am not going to sit here and say you are getting what you deserve because as you can obviously read I don’t think that at all. I think you are stupid in the fact that you accept these guys that totally treat you like trash and you stay with them. You are blind and unwilling to give anyone else a chance because you are too hung up on a precious moment that he can give you. Yes sure Nick he hits me or he has cheated on me or he called me a few things that I am not but u know just a month ago he brought me flowers and took me to dinner, well I had to pay but you know it was the thought that counts. Smell the coffee and wake up! You know the old line, well he/she has a great personality but they are not much to look at or something along that line. Well I got some other news for you, when you’re 60 and old and your “worldly beauty” has gone away, all you have left is personality. All you have left is his and your heart. If you date trash, you become that and you are going to look like your 60 when you are only 40! We are all created in the image of God; we are all beautiful in our own way.
This is not meant jus for anything that happens to me. Sure I have had my list of failures (God has to have something to laugh at and well my dating life is a comedy, even I laugh at times…ha ha ha) but I have friends that are in this same boat. We are tired of seeing (some) women being stupid, and knowing it and continuing. (Some of you women out there recognize when guys are doing the same thing, can I hear you!!!!) You take the scum of the earth in over and over and over, and well as much as it sounds like I am crying, I am. I told a friend the other day (he was being superficial) that he should call and talk with a girl who gave him her number. I said to him, talk to her and get to know her. What do you have to lose by one date? If you talk to her and she spits out the seeds of Satan, well splash some holy water on her and tell her why it wont work out, but if you don’t give her a chance, then you are becoming what we hate…Superficial. He did talk to her, and found out she is a pretty cool person and who knows it may go on or it may not but he gave her a try. There is nothing wrong with stepping outside the norm; you may find out that you are the one that needed that change.
So let me go off on this, why don’t you try something a little different ladies. Cast aside your stupid ways of dating some lovely piece of garbage, and give a nice guy a chance. There is no way of doing a study on nice guys verses the other guys but I bet if you could you would see that nice guys relationships last longer. To those of you out there who are dating for “pleasure,” know this…physical pleasure with someone you are not truly in love with will die, but intimacy with a man that you are in love with doesn’t fade easily. Is there still work to do, well duh of course!
Ok I have said enough for now (this is only my first installment of this series, there is no way on earth that I could have put everything on my mind in one blog…there will be many more to come)
Here is the challenge:
Single women out there, take a minute and examine why you are single. Look at the past guys you dated, any nice ones? Take a chance on someone a bit different from your normal standard of dating and take a chance.
Dating women whom are not married: Take a minute to examine your relationship. Is he abusive, rude, and crude or just a thrill of a moment? Is this guy what you envisioned God to set you with? To keep your life on track for God, you must prune away the trash in your life and only then will God show you something that is so amazing you will realize that no way you could have found him on your own.
Married women: This is the saddest thing to say but you are in this for better or worse. Now if he is abusive, please seek some help. If he isn’t into God, you took this role and now you must pray and see God and lead a Godly life with the hope that God will come to him in the right moment so you may be linked through God as a family.
Finally to the Women who got it right: Good for you, you led the life after God, and He delivered like only He can. Your job isn’t over yet…you are a leader and a role model for others. Let the others see the glory you possess by following what was right.
*Disclaimer: If you do not share the beliefs of this individual, then you need to know that you are not alone. You do however need to respect the views of others, and well since this is what goes on in my mind and not yours, that makes it my blog. Jesus Christ is the Lord, and can I get a hallelujah? All civil comments are welcome.
15 comments:
As a response to your preface regarding your unedited, "straight out of [your] mind" form, I will be mirroring your ebb and flow in a little something I like to call "livecommenting." Prepare yourself for wild and rampant use of ellipsis. Seriously... it's bad.
-- Your URL is incredibly long. I half expected you to refer to yourself in the third person.
Three paragraphs in you say:
Now also for the sake of this blog, I also want to put out the basic fact that I am in no way a ladies man, nor do I have that Atlas like body…, but we already knew this from the previous paragraph stating I am 30 years old, single (and if you couldn’t tell that after reading this blog you are in serious trouble), a child of the Lord God Almighty, and as time grows on a wee bit bitter. Something tells me this is only the first taste of what will be much redundancy.
A quick look ahead and I'm not even 1/4 of the way through this post. Wow, some level of proofreading would have made this much easier to follow.
must... focus... on his train... of thought...
1/3 of the way through, and I've lost count of how many times you've refocused/reiterated the purpose of this blog, only to talk about a different topic.
I'm at least 50% through. It's strange: individually, words can mean so much. When you combine them, I just get an overwhelming sense of that dookie-brown color you get when you combine every color in the box of crayons.
If you talk to her and she spits out the seeds of Satan, well splash some holy water on her and tell her why it wont work out... self righteousness at its greatest...
I'm dying to reach the end of this. Oooh ooh! I see some bold text! Finally! Maybe these are the points he's trying to get across!
Nope. He's just giving advice to women. Funny.
To the women who made it this far in the post: I commend you.
Well crap. You said all civil comments are welcome. I just now read that part. *sigh* I suppose that's the downfall of livecommenting. Perhaps this method needs some refinement. I'm posting anyway since I've typed it all.
You seem pretty jaded.
You need to head to Sepatown fo some Kapa-Chow from the Pootie Tang. That would do you quite a bit of good. I suppose that is indeed the true Dilemma of Ages.
... oh, and this post leaves me with the scent of sweaty boiled bacon. Gross.
Seth, your response is weak! I wanted civil comments from the norm, but from you i expected a lot more.
Now what you do need to know is in looking at this blog, that is how my mind works...i never stay focused on the big picture..i bounce around over and over..ooooo a pretzel, got to go!
I'd love to give logical commentary, but a logical post is required.
For that garbage you posted, snarky is the best you're going to get.
Haha...you used the work snarky...I thought I was the only one that used that word. *snark*
*sigh* work should be "word". I guess I'm luck I didn't write "worky"
and luck should be "lucky"...it's been a long day
I think this man is the most honest individual I have encountered on the Internet. I am appalled by some of the comments that user called Seth has made. Like Nick I have never had a woman to call my own, and I am nearing sixty years of age. I am the spitting image of “The Nice Guy.” I believe that people like Nick and I do finish last. I challenge any man to try to treat a woman better than I would. I would rather be an old overweight celibate man than to lie with an unwholesome woman. I pray that Nick will follow my example and remain true to himself. There are more important things in this world than sex.
Jim...how is Pam doing? I'm so glad you finally asked her out on the last episode!! Dang..you really aged well if you really are 60!
Those who would laugh at Nick and myself or make jokes about us are doing so under the influence of the devil. Nick and I are alike, and I don’t expect anyone else to understand us. While we may seem odd and weak to others, we are truly warriors in God’s army.
That's what she said...
The message that Nick is relaying to our followers in this post is one that is very controversial and extremely difficult to approach. As any student who has ever attended Sunday school as a child knows: Adam gave one of his ribs for the creation of Eve who later ate of the forbidden fruit which is the ultimate reason for Adams demise. By giving Eve his rib, Atom was displaying his dominance over her. It is for this reason that Eve partook of the apple which is a symbol for the devil. When Eve ate the apple she was symbolically resisting Atom’s dominance over her. This is why all women try to deceive men to partake of their apples. It is for this reason that I chose to remain celibate even though I have been ridiculed numerous times for my decision. I pray that my brother Nick will follow my example and that our followers will learn from this lesson that we have been guided to teach.
You may have noticed that I changed Adam's name to Atom. I did this symbolically to represent what scientists believe men to be made of. I am opening up a new lesson by doing this and will broach this subject at a later time.
I dont know Nick. I know it has to be frusterating to be single. I won't say I know how you feel or anything cheezy like that. However, I can't help but notice some of the general overtones of this blog.
I could be wrong, but it almost sounds like it is directed to some specific people that you know. The situation they are in is certainly unfortunate, but I don't know if this is the most encouraging way to respond to their dilemma.
The decisions they have made are not smart, but is ascerting this in such an aggressive way really necessary?
It also seems to me that by admonishing them to date a "nice guy" you seem to be referring to yourself (again, I could be wrong). This "nice guy" (regardless of who it is) will NOT be the end of their problems. They are probably dating the type of guys they are because of any number of issues they must deal with personally. (ie. low self-esteem, needing to be accepted, etc.)
In light of this, I would not point them to a particular "nice guy," but rather to Christ. These women must first find love and acceptance for who they are in Him first, and then only will they be in a position to pursue an earthly relationship. Before this happens, most any relationship they are in will not be healthy.
I hope this response has not overstepped my boundaries, it is merely an honest response to what I read. As previuosly stated, I could be wrong on anything I said, and may have read too much into certain issues.
Not too bad Matt, except it really isn't pointing anyone out in general. As for me, it really doesn't bother me to be single. Sure there is a bit of anger in it, as should be but it isn't more of an encouragement to date me (because to be honest i am not really thinking about such things at this time for now) but a response to the females out there who settle. My overtones may be a bit outlandish but my intension's are pure i assure you. I agree after reading it again it needs to be tweaked, but the point of this message is definatly to make someone open their eyes somewhat. As my post go on, they will be more calm and more to the manner they should be but keep in mind it was my first.
I'm know I'm late to this, but whatever... I used to feel this exact way. I had relationship after relationship where I built up the girl's ego so much that she cheated on me with the "typical alpha male", even after declaring we would both wait until marriage. I then gave up relationships, waiting on God to send someone my way.
Eventually, I tired of waiting. I got sick of girls confiding in me about how bad their boyfriends were. I cut them all off, refusing to take their calls. I read all about the art of picking up women, and gained some self confidence. I walked into bars with the express goal of picking up girls.
The thing is, when women have no exciting kind guy alternative to the exciting mean guy, they'll stay in bad relationships forever. They may say they want a guy like you, but they don't. Otherwise, they'd be throwing themselves at you. What they want is a reasonably nice looking (or well groomed) guy who exudes self confidence, has something she needs inside (excitement, entertainment, her equal, whatever).
The problem with us nice guys is that we put women on these pedestals so much that they eventually believe we are too far below them to even be considered as a mate. The next alpha male comes along and steals them away again.
I care about them still, but instead of letting them confide in me, I BECOME that guy they want. I don't do it for sex, I'm still a virgin. But learning the principles and psychology behind picking up women has allowed me the opportunity to apply it in such a way that the girls needs are fulfilled, and she won't settle anymore for the fun guys who are mean. I raise their standards. And eventually, I'll find one I want to spend my life with (and vice versa), and be able to keep her without her eye wandering to other guys.
Basically, don't become a jerk; jerk is not the only alternative to "nice guy". Make women attracted to you. Be fun, kind, mysterious, entertaining, and don't put the girl on a pedestal. Approach women as if you're equal or better than them, and they'll fall all over you. Nobody wants love to come easy; there's no fun in that. Make them work for you.
If you've not read it, read "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Then, use google to find out everything you can about the art of pickup, seduction, even explore the psychology of hypnosis. Use everything, and combine it with the person God is making you, and use it to attract women to REAL men. Real men are not wimpy, they aren't the typical "nice guy". They are stalwart but gentle, kind but exciting. They don't take crap, they don't feel like they are less than other men, and they don't back down. Neither should you when it comes to women. You don't have to use pickup as a way to get sex, because the principles apply to your character as a person. Find the areas where you are turning women off, learn how to approach them (i.e. with a "I'm not about to become your 'friend'" attitude), and start raising their standards. When they realize they can have exciting AND kind, they'll never go back to the jerks.
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