So this is the time of year where everybody spreads their Christmas cheer and celebrates the holiday…Wonderful. Nothing I love more than the opportunity to witness people who are complete jackasses year around turn their lives around thinking that possibly the could be getting that blow-up doll for Christmas they always wanted, or maybe even some over priced piece of technology, only to come and find out that someone made them some hand made piece of crap or went looking through a junk yard for some glasses to store “goodies” in for their children. (see this listing of great do-it-yourself christmas items http://amberbama.blogspot.com/2007/12/blue-christmas.html)
Do you know what this does to human society, it gives them another reason to increase their hatred of their fellow man/woman/beast and we have things such as Michael Vick! By being cheap and “making” your gifts you are not showing love, you are being cheap and insane all the while your “cool” friends are buying you actual gifts…great job bone head. Here are just a few items however that I would like to see on the market by no later than next Christmas so that I can finally get something real for Christmas instead of some made up piece of crap…
1. George W. Bush vocabulary board game – Hours of fun as you attempt to pick through something he said in order to determine what the word actually means or if it exists. (Good for up to 8 players)
2. Smarter than a Med-student – why should I waste my time and ego on something as simple as being smarter than a 5th grader when I can have all the joy and fun of being as smart as some idiot who decided to go to school for an extra 10 or so years and rack up a million dollars in student loans. Then they can be sued by some trailer park trash of a person who overdosed on their meds while watching cops to see which family members are coming to Christmas and which ones who will need care packages.
3. Windows Vista repair kit – (AKA a stick of dynamite) do I need to explain this, because if I do then I need to do it after I reboot my computer for the 10th time today thanks to the wonderful world of vista!
4. Pop-up, spam mail return to sender device – this device, once connected to your computer…if you get a pop up or an email that you are so tired of getting, well this device will send a message back to the senders computer or the pop up starters computer a million times over…that will teach them bastards…oh well all except the one person who has a billion euros he is trying to give me, that guy/girl is cool!!!
5. “How to get a foreign grant and take advantage of the USA” by Akeel Fransisco Akezzilymaniariay – Enough Said!
6. The White Trash/Black Gangsta Car enhancement kit – Why ride in a vehicle that is normal and gets good gas mileage and doesn’t scrape when I go over a bump when I can put spinners on my wheels to distract other drivers, paint my car some awful color and install the latest speakers into my car so I can go deaf in a matter of days. I mean come on my music is so good that everyone inside a square mile should be able to enjoy it. Besides, when Kenny chesnesy (or however you spell his name) and Snoop dogg get together to make a CD I want to be able to blare that “Crap” so loud that not only will it suck for all around, but it will cause a rise in the suicide rate! (Follow me people on the “crap” it is when you take country music and mix it with rap music…two completely useless genres of music wrapped into one fantastic piece of …..) ALSO…my car will need to do as much useful crap as possible, such as light up underneath so everyone can see that I am on the street, and hop up and down just in case I need to stir up my chocolate milk and I don’t have a spoon handy!!!
Well…that is what I think will make my Christmas a wonderful one…so whoever is the king of inventions out there, get on this as fast as possible…I mean there is not much time till the 2008 Christmas commercials start (I think sometime in March) and we want these to be out on market!
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
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